Splatters of Poetry

thoughts on coconuts and desperation

Desperation (Oxford English Dictionarty, Second Edition 1989):

1. The action of despairing or losing all hope (of anything); the condition of having utterly lost hope; despair, hopelessness. 1. The action of despairing or losing all hope (of anything); the condition of having utterly lost hope; despair, hopelessness.
Now rare.

2. spec. Despair leading to recklessness, or recklessness arising from despair; a desperate state of mind in which, on account of the hopelessness or extremely small chance of success, one is ready to do any violent or extravagant action, regardless of risks or consequences. (Cf. DESPERATE a. 4, 5.)

Desperation is such a loaded word. Loaded because it cuts a little too close to the bone, loaded because it's me. I am desperate; I think we all are. I love how the first definition of desperation in the Oxford English Dictionary (the action of losing all hope) is followed by the side note, "now rare". Being stuck in this North American I-don't-need-you society, words like desperation don't get very much exercise anymore. Ask me how I am doing and I will tell you that I am fine thank you very much, but what I really mean is, "I don't need your concern".

I think our hearts are like coconuts somtimes. We make them hard and thick on the outside to protect all of the liquid uncertainty we hold in the middle. Coconuts are hard to open.

So are we.

The funny thing about God, is that he doesn't seem to mind our desperation. It's almost like he wants us to cling on to him and know that we are hopeless and lost by ourselves (God is often backwards that way). He says his strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Wow. That pretty much puts a damper on the whole independence, self-sufficient thing, doesn't it?

I never liked coconuts, anyway.

posted by Erin @ 6:59 AM