confessions of an (un)broken heart.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishess. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, inpenetrable, irredeemable.-C.S. Lewis
C.S. Lewis said all that stuff, and besides being a genuis, I think he was right. I think we all (and by we all, I mean me) secretly want our hearts to be unbreakable. I think we all carry them around in these cases of bullet proof glass and spend most of our time making pleasant conversation about nothing.
I cannot speak for others, but I know that my own heart is a fortress; you know, one of those cool-looking ones where there are spot lights and watch towers and such? It is surrounded by a lot of barbed wire and high-tech security systems and a couple of big scary-looking dogs that bark very loudly in my ear any time anyone even gets close to Fort Erin (as I like to call it). Not that you could tell that if you met me; I think I look pretty normal. If you met me you would probably think that I am nice (at least I hope you would think that) and you might even find me mildly amusing. I like to make jokes. Jokes make me feel important and funny. Jokes make me feel like I am in control. Jokes make me forget that I am actually kind of boring (once you get to know me), and kind of scared and kind of lonely under all my fire-redardant sarcasm.
To be honest though, I have found that the Fort Erin system has been working quite well for me so far. I have never suffered from a broken heart. Dead, cold-maybe, but certainly never broken. The problem with all of this is God (and he is always the problem). God keeps on insisting that I need to love people; and what's worse, God keeps on insisting that I need to let myself be loved. He tells me that it's time to take my heart out of it's coffin and let it breathe a little and I have this sinking feeling that maybe he is right...
Jan 27, 2006
1:39 p.m.
This post is dedicated to a friend, who suggested that I stop putting only poems on my blog and actually write something real.
posted by Erin @ 10:13 AM
3 Comments:
irish, darling, this bog has inspired me to write something very similar, i hope you're not offended; i think you made some very valid points and i would like to write...i guess you could say, a corresponding blog to yours...the world will truly appreciate our genius, of this i am sure. i love ya like im blind
-marvel
i totally meant to type 'blog' not 'bog'..woops!
-m
totally changed my mind, prose is not my forte; i'll stick with heart wrenching poetry...ha!
-m
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